Finnish Soccer Announcer Blows Gasket When Team Scores, Wins Promotion

There is no sweeter song extolling the virtues of a promotion fight than this Finnish announcer's guttural screams of pure delight after FC Santa Claus scored the deciding goal, guaranteeing them a spot in the third tier next season. Quick, someone give Fox Soccer this guy's number. » 9/30/14 12:03pm Today 12:03pm

Looks Like The Manchester United Traveling Circus Might Really Happen

During the latter stages of last season, there were rumors that United might partake in a tour of the Middle East and Asia during the missing midweek Champions League fixtures that otherwise would've filled the schedule and coffers. It was funny enough to mention in passing, but too outlandish to be taken seriously.… » 9/30/14 11:28am Today 11:28am

You know, there's a pretty easy way to ensure that all the teams in your top flight aren't horribly mismanaged by predicating their very status in that division on the quality of the team they put on the field, but I keep hearing that promotion and relegation will never happen in MLS for...whatever reason. Oh well,… » 9/29/14 5:47pm Yesterday 5:47pm

Can A Ref With No Red Card Send Someone Off? One Player Investigates

It's an interesting question, one that Guingamp's Benjamin Angoua tried valiantly to answer this weekend when, as the ref tried to show a red to a teammate, Angoua nipped and slapped at the card, hoping the ref would either listen to reason or get tired of trying to snatch the damn thing out of the air. » 9/29/14 12:21pm Yesterday 12:21pm

How To Be A Soccer Fan

Towards the tail end of this past World Cup, more than a few readers emailed us looking for guidance on how to become a soccer fan. Never ones to disappoint our adoring readership, we've now obliged. Here's how we imagine that conversation would go. » 9/26/14 2:25pm Friday 2:25pm

The Worst Punishment For Luis Suárez Is Forcing Him To Play Teenagers

The worst part of Luis Suárez's suspension for the player himself probably hasn't been the jokes about his cannibalistic supervillain image, nor missing out on the early parts of this promising Barcelona season, nor the weekly adulation from tens of thousands of fans he used to receive whenever he stepped on the pitch… » 9/24/14 6:02pm Wednesday 6:02pm

Ghanaian Soccer Star Denies Rumors He Ritually Sacrificed Rapper Friend

In the second confrontation—the first involving kicking the shit out of a journalist for inquiring on the subject—of rumors that Asamoah Gyan had his old friend, the rapper Castro, ritually sacrificed to benefit his career, the Gyan family has released a long statement denying the allegations. » 9/24/14 12:36pm 9/24/14 12:36pm

Greek Soccer Team's Manager Gets Way Too Turnt During Press Conference

If there was one thing you could say about Gennaro Gattuso, AC Milan's and Italy's fiery former leader, it was that the man was a lock for a manager job when he retired. If there was another thing you could say, it was that said managerial career would involve numerous public blow-ups like this. » 9/23/14 6:03pm 9/23/14 6:03pm

Frank Lampard Scored A Fittingly Huge Goal Against Old Team Chelsea

The pillars of the old crew were all there. John Terry still in the captain's armband. A ponytailed Didier Drogba in his famous number 11. The boss José Mourinho, looking upon his charges sternly from the sideline, no doubt fighting back an inner smile. And Frank Lampard, a goal down, hungry to do what he did for so… » 9/21/14 2:05pm 9/21/14 2:05pm

Manchester United Dominate Leicester, End Up Getting Blown Out

You see that little guy up there? That's Filbert the Fox, Leicester City's mascot. Don't worry, he's feeling great. Though his club hosted the rich and famous Manchester United today, his boys managed to take down the giants. Those aren't tears of sadness, they're tears of mockery, directed at the section of United… » 9/21/14 12:07pm 9/21/14 12:07pm

Real Madrid President: I'm Stupid, Not Crooked

It's maybe a little disconcerting when the president of the richest club in the world—the brains behind all significant player transfers coming in and out, a man so determined to fulfill his dream of a star-studded lineup that he'll jettison the one player that makes his team work in favor of a bigger name that… » 9/19/14 12:12pm 9/19/14 12:12pm

Zinedine Zidane Pretends He Doesn't Manage Team He Obviously Manages

Real Madrid have been fast tracking club legend Zinedine Zidane to the manager's chair for a while now. He's gone from first team assistant to reserve team head coach in just over a year. Thing is, Zidane did not have the right qualifications for the latter position and now faces sanctions. Real Madrid's defense has… » 9/18/14 3:25pm 9/18/14 3:25pm